| (no subject) |
[Feb. 17th, 2009|05:21 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | M's studio | ] |
| [ | music |
| | something annoying in spanish | ] |
all i wanted was an equal. I'm starting to realize it might not ever happen. |
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| 2008 |
[Jan. 3rd, 2009|03:12 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | bedroom couch | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  anxious | ] |
| [ | music |
| | chromeo - 2step | ] |
Wasn't all that bad I guess.
I mean sure, my parents lost their house. My sister lost her kids. And in the process, I lost both my sanity and most of my privacy. But I grew up. I work two part time jobs, I'm a full time uncle to 4, a full time brother and a full time son.
Sure those are natural parts of life. But I find that under my circumstances, they are a lot harder than what is supposed to be the natural order. I can only give so much support, but I've found that it goes a long way. I try to help out as much as I can with my family lately. And as crazy as its making me, its brought me a lot closer to them. The end of 2008 brought me as close to my mom as I could possibly get, she finally confronted me after christmas about being gay. And after a nice hour or so of tears she confirmed what I always knew; she doesn't care. Although she's still hoping me and Carrie will have a child together one day.
That same day, my one month old niece was taken away from my older sister due to a lot of big mistakes made on her part. (The main mistake being her douchebag husband) my two nephews who are now 7 and 5 have already been living with us since june. Hence the loss of sanity and privacy. I get one night of solid, peaceful rest a week. That comes every monday night when I get to sleep in M's bed. And believe me, having his arms to fall asleep in for even just one night a week brings me out of that murky depressed and deprived state I'm always in. If I had the choice, everyday would be tuesday.
My new years resolution this year, is to BE a grown up. Having my one night of peace a week has really shown me how much I love M. He keeps me going every day, and knowing that I have a real possibility of being happy with him and moving away with him, is what my drive is going to be. From January to June, I plan on doing absolutely no shopping. Every spare dollar I have is going into my savings account and not coming back out. My goal is to save at least enough for a few months rent in chicago. The last thing I want, is to have to lose him because I can't afford to move away. If I do manage to save enough for a few months of chicago rent, then that whole 3 months that I KNOW I have with him there, will be spent looking for a decent job. Obviously working at petsmart isn't gonna be enough. And seeing as how I have zero skills and no education, I don't plan on it being easy.
I'm excited for 2009 to start, and at the same time, I'm scared as shit.
I'm excited that my niece and nephews are in my mothers care, but I'm scared that my sister will never get her kids back. I'm excited that my parents are slowly getting back on their feet, but scared they won't ever be fully financially set. And I'm excited to get away from everything and start my own life, but scared to lose everything I love in the process. Or to lose someone that I love in the process.
2009 is my year to gamble, the stakes are going to be high; but I'm hoping to play my cards right. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 7th, 2008|07:01 pm] |
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All this time having no internet source other than my blackberry, (and every tuesday at M's) and I completely forgot I had a livejournal. It was nice to read up on what's going on with old friends. Maybe on tuesday I'll post a full blown entry. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 31st, 2008|01:03 pm] |
this whole moving situation sucks. i don't have time to pack between jobs, nor do i have the energy.
the one good thing about it, is that my bedroom is huge and that my Dad is actually doing pretty well on building it. we don't even move in until the first, and he already has the frames up. the bad thing is, i have to pay for the drywall. and with petsmart not giving me enough hours and Jets no longer paying me cash. i'm not as ballin' as i once was.
i guess i could do it all on sunday when i have the day off. but i want to go to pride. so. i'll put it off until i have to. we don't technically have to be out of this house until the end of the month. and i'm sad leaving it. |
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| Hey! |
[May. 14th, 2008|09:35 pm] |
ignore the blood and bruises. once its healed it will be grey black and blue. no purples or reds.
k thats all. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 11th, 2008|03:47 pm] |
it's been a while.
mostly because lj is boring.
anywho. here's my new tattoo. [i didn't mean for that to rhyme]
a Saphire, and a Diamond.
[my dogs names for anyone who doesn't know this. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 16th, 2007|09:27 pm] |
i should seriously threaten to quit more often.
because everytime i do, i get a raise.
fuck yeah dude. from broke to ballin.
=D |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 17th, 2007|02:33 pm] |
first day of petsmart was boring. all i got to do was walk around the store finding shit.
friday morning i start my hands on training. and by morning. i mean at 6 am. i have to wake up at 5. i feel so grown up. at least ill be playing with animals at 6 am. the store doesnt even open until 9.
M bought me season 4 of nip/tuck. this makes me extremely happy. now i can have a giant marathon of 1-4.
i ran out of chapstick like a week ago. i dont think i have ever fully used a chapstick. that amazes me for some reason. i keep cranking the thing expecting more to come out. but it just doesnt work.
yeah. i'm a loser. whatever. bye. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 15th, 2007|11:41 am] |
i start work at Petsmart tomorrow morning at 8.
i havent been up that early since i was in high school.
I officially work two jobs.
=] |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 5th, 2007|02:14 pm] |
i'm broke. I'm always broke.
but now, [if i pass my drug test in the morning] i have two jobs.
Jets, and Petsmart.
which means, i'll be spending alot more time at H&M. If of course i pass this drug test. Which i should. Because i have not smoked weed in like 2 months. Bad news, is i have to wake up at like 8 because the testing center closes at 11:30.
but thats not going to stop me from drinking and having fun tonight! |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 20th, 2007|11:57 pm] |
i've been in a bad mood for a while now,
cheer me up, and buy me this?
seriously, i want a fish bowl. and this one is probably the most awesome, righteous, sweetest, coolest one i have ever seen.
just in case your feeling generous |
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| bills... |
[Sep. 19th, 2007|03:22 pm] |
blah blah blah. i need a new job. blah blah blah i can't afford my insurance. blah blah blah i wish they would just repo my car so i wouldnt have to worry about this stupid payment.
it would have been cheaper for me to get a brand new car then it is for me to be driving a used one through financing. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 8th, 2007|01:50 pm] |
i cleaned my fish tank out today. it was easier than i thought. but i'm still tired. i feel strong for carrying it all the way to my backyard. haha.
blah blah. i'm in a mood today. i dont wanna work. well. i never wanna work. at least i get to go downriver tonight. =]
my dads truck got stolen the other night. by my uncle. white trash.
its back now. my uncle is still somehow missing though. again. white trash.
just for fun..
thats all.
o yeah, and this.
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 3rd, 2007|03:18 pm] |
i can finally blow my nose without it hurting.
my septum is finally healed! |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 24th, 2007|02:08 pm] |
it's gonna be worth the wait.
just 2 days left. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 19th, 2007|07:52 pm] |
blinded by the light.
there comes a point in time when you see people for who they really are. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 19th, 2007|02:44 pm] |
So many tangles in life are ultimately hopeless that we have no appropriate sword other than laughter.
you can laugh and pretend all you want. but know, that i know that you laugh because you have nothing else to say. so pretend like "i don't mean something and that i never did" because your repeated attempts to try and patch things up, really backs up your statements. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 19th, 2007|03:03 am] |
i know that your reading this, because livejournal says we are still mutual friends.
but let me clarify something. Livejournal lies. Maybe thats why your on it so much, because you have so much in common. i meant every word i said to you. your a piece of shit, and i don't care who knows that i think this.
I'm gonna tell you this. Don't expect me to be cool with you. Ever. Because i'm not. Don't think that you can text me out of the blue and expect me to forget everything that you have made my best friend go through. The stick is still up my ass, yes. And let me tell you something else; that's where i like it. I'm dating M, get over it. Except the fact that i chose a guy over you. Because given the circumstances, i would do it again in a heartbeat. I'm happy.
And y'know whats funny?
For a split second, your myspace blog made me think that just maybe i was wrong, maybe you weren't such a cunt. Maybe i should break my rules and try giving you a second chance. But then i realized. You've had your second chance. and your third and fourth. and who knows how many chances i would have to give you to prove that you've changed. and that's just it. you haven't changed. And i for one am not going to waste my time trying to convince myself that you have.
I honestly wish that i would have been upstairs tonight to witness what you did, because believe me, defending my best friend would be worth getting kicked out of a bar. I'm not afraid to put her before myself. unlike you. all you ever do is want. And then when you don't get what you want? you bitch. and that's basically all your good for. is wanting, and bitching. It made me come to the following conclusion; you want to be a bitch.
And just in case you weren't already sure of it. Your doing a damn good job.
Fuck You. I hope one day you realize how much you messed up. And i hope that one day this will all blow over and you will eventually fade from my life completely. And when i say this, i say it with confidence that my best friend won't fade away. Because as much as you hope and pray that your gonna be above me. It will never happen. So you can give up. |
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dakota_richard's journal
